I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
