That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Shame - the story of my life.
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