bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
