Don't make out with my wife yet
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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