His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
