Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
