he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
