around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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