fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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