before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
