She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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