you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
