4 words: hood of his car
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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