I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
