We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
