I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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