hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
