M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
