I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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