the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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