question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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