The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
