They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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