Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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