Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
