You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
