He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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