So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
