I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
