She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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