Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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