hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
