Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
