dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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