I've blown a few things in my day
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
