girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
