I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
