it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
