Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
