quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
