Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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