oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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