is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
