Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
