We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
