How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
