his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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