I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
