I heard we made out
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
