this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
