I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
