I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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