I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
