Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sponge bath it is.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
