His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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