they said they heard you say put it in my butt
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
