So drunk, too bad you don't want this
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
