Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
