We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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