He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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