I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
