dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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