By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
