I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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