i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Found the puke drawer
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
