I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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