why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
