Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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