Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
