He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
